Thursday 2nd December 2004

Just another day in paradise; but even in paradise you should check the small print. [WARNING: mosquitoes]

Julie woke up with four large bites on her arm, and no; it wasn't me! Although two of them actually looked like teeth marks left behind by a vampire!

She undeniably has sweet blood that attracts the parasite where as I on the other hand must have shit running through my veins. I have yet to be bitten on this trip, but with fate now tempted I'm bound to get bitten before too long!

At breakfast we explored uncharted corners of the buffet spread and were rewarded with discoveries of waffles with maple syrup and ground Italian roast espresso coffee.

Mmmm … Bellissimo!

I sat down at the table, reading the Bangkok post, relaxed and content in my gluttony.

The entire day was spent in the glorious sunshine and Julie was gradually coming to terms with the fact that her exhibitionist husband was basking in his underpants!

I had brought with me two holiday books. One was relevant to the journey; "When Broken Glass Floats" by Chanrithy Him. It came highly recommended and is a tale of a young girl as she recounts the terrors of the Khmer Rouge era.

The second book was "The Diary of a Young Girl" by Ann Frank; another tale of a young girl suffering from the evil of oppression.

All this 'rest and relaxation' time here at the Evason was the first opportunity during this holiday to actually read a little. Sometime during the afternoon we decided to go and hunt out the library; not for anymore books, but for the free internet access.

We wandered aimlessly around the resort looking for it. We found the games room, the fitness centre and then eventually through a half opaque window we spotted a row of computers with people busy crunching keyboards.

As we entered the building we found a row of shoes by a door. "Do you think we should take our sandals off?" asked Julie.

This we did; and we opened the door, walking uninvited straight into the resort's administrative offices! Ooops! Two befuddled guests barging barefooted into the workplace was enough to startle one member of staff so much that she almost fell off her three wheeled ergonomically enhanced office chair. She composed herself, smiled pleasantly and asked "Can I help you?"

We explained our quest for the internet. She then kindly put on her shoes and led us all the way to the other side of the resort and to the library. That was exceptionally good of her. We checked our e-mails and the bookings for our holiday cottage then surfed aimlessly for a while because it was free! We ended up on the Evason web page browsing the information about the spa. We decided to book an Indian head massage for tomorrow. It also had books for you borrow, which granted most libraries do, but this one had the advantage of being able to take one home if you hadn't finished! Obviously the shelves were full of trashy Mills & Boon type novelettes but nevertheless these little complimentary touches made you feel ever so at home and welcomed.

At 6pm we went down to the bar and listened to the band. They did an excellent version of the Beatles song 'Something in the Way She Moves'. It was fascinating to hear how they almost had authentic Scouse accents whilst singing yet when I tried to strike up a conversation they could hardly speak any English. I had visions of us only communicating through song! I'd ask them "Where are you from?" and they'd reply "We all live in a Yellow Submarine"!

After a couple of large jugs of Singha and several Strawberry Daiquiris later we decided to returned to our room before the blurry boundary between shiny faced and shit faced were crossed.

We ordered room service. Twenty minutes later the BBQ Chicken, Vegetarian Pizza and Linguine Aglio Olio were delivered and three minutes later they had been devoured.

The pasta dish was so garlicky that I didn't have to worry about being bitten by blood sucking beasts in the night.

Julie didn't have the same confidence and spent five minutes making sure that the mosquito net was securely sealed around the bed. Her bites were quite inflamed. They were itching like crazy and we had run out of the soothing relief spray. It was all starting to really piss her off! Her only escape was to fall asleep.